We were in the kitchen at a friend’s birthday party. He was cute. I was doing dishes. The conversation flows. And ends…. Well, Almost ends. Should’ve ended.

He politely says “It was so nice to meet you, What’s your name again?”

I should’ve just said “Julie” but I didn’t.

I actually listed the five previous occasions that he had “met me”.

Listed them.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

I’m sure I wasn’t as rude as I remember it.  But I felt terrible.

I was on a mission to find him on any social networking site and he was nowhere to be found.

I had to ask forgiveness.

Danne said drop it. I couldn’t.

Months went by and Danne meets someone “who would be great” for me. She used two sentences to describe him. And I knew it was him.

I had to ask for forgiveness.

Danne said drop it. I didn’t.

Every time I saw him over the next few weeks, it was overkill.

“Hi Matt!”  ”How are you doing,Matt!” “Hey, Matt!” and he looked like a deer in headlights.

Then I felt bad for doing that.

One day I mustered up the guts to ask forgiveness, like any good christian girl should do.

“Hey, Matt…. I really need to ask for your forgiveness”

“Oh. Really? What?”
“Yeah, this one time I saw you I was really ungracious”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah I felt really bad”

“What happened? I am a really easy-going guy, I don’t even remember.”

“Ohhh I don’t really want to bring it back up. I just wanted to ask forgiveness”

“Don’t worry about it……..  What’s your name again?”

” (nervous irate pride killing giggle) Julie, my name is Julie”

She wants to know “What’s so wrong if I like him?”.

The “Christian” guy cheated on her. But this guy is nice, they’ve connected. She trusts him.

He wants to know “So what if “he is a really nice guy”, he treats you well, you won’t date him?”

The “Christian” guy hasn’t made the move. But this guy is nice, they’ve connected. She trusts him.

If you are single, and have been around the Christian bubble for more than five minutes, you’ve heard the verses, and with the best of intentions recited them yourself.

Guard your heart. Don’t be unequally yoked. He will give you the desires of your heart.  Paul even said it was better to be single. Run after Christ, and when you turn and see someone there next to you – That’s “him”.

When the cliches wear off.  What will stop the lingering looks and flirtatious touches?

It’s Christ.

And Only Christ.

Is Christ the center?

Is Christ the treasure?

Is obedience to Him and bringing Glory to Him the highest calling?

Rest knowing that you are Loved even in your loneliness.

Remember whose you are, and all He has brought you through.

If that’s not enough, you’re looking for fulfillment in the wrong relationship.

Growing up a spoiled brat who got every wish on her list and more, Christmas was always my favorite.

Now I resent what most holidays have become. I’m actually kind of  a scrooge.

Somehow Christmas, the birth of Christ,  has morphed into gifts given mostly out of obligation, shopping, stress, a fat guy who sees you when you’re sleeping, and “holiday” music.

And money, lots and lots of money… Did you know that over 450 BILLION Dollars is spent each year on “Christmas”. Did you know that it would only take 10 BILLION dollars to give clean water to every person on earth? (Check out the Advent Conspiracy Video, it’s only two minutes)

Easter is more about a big bunny bringing a basket of gifts instead of the crucifixion and resurrection of our Saviour.

Valentines is about marked up red roses, chocolate, and cheesy poems that seem insincere, and would be more appreciated it written by the giver, on May 23rd.

And then there is Thanksgiving.  My favorite. Virtually untainted by any American commercialism.

It’s friends, family, football, food and a whole lot of Giving Thanks.

I don’t even remember what my first credit card was, or what I bought with it, or why I thought it having one was such a good idea.

It wasn’t just that I was spending money that I didn’t have. It was that I was trying to live the lifestyle of an executive, as an intern. I was at the lunches, wearing my cute new outfits. I was getting Starbucks and adding the extra shots. I was buying presents for people.

I was trying to gain the acceptance of everyone around me while the only One who has ever truly loved me and accepted me watched as I put another shackle on my ankle. I was an idiot.

I have nothing to show for the over $30,000 of credit card debt that I had racked up between the ages of 18 & 23. Nothing.

I was living in Ohio and part of the community at sevenoseven the night I laid my debt on the altar, literally.

Pastor Dan Burgoyne was preaching on radical amputation . Remember the whole “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out” business? Yeah, that was Jesus (Matthew 5:29-). And He was serious.

Pastor Dan challenged us something was sin in your life, and you know sin separates you from God, Jesus commands us to radically amputate that sin.

There he was, calling all of us twenty-somethings out on our junk. He challenged the hormone driven men to burn their porn, our lust, our flirtations, our overeating, drinking, sleeping, spending,  gossip magazines. If we are the body and bride of Christ, why are we so entangled in our self pleasure and sin? And what does that say about the redemptive message that God is our all in all that we preach to the “unbelievers”.  And I knew.

My credit cards had me in chains. I could not run hard after God while in bondage to sin.

So there we were. A community broken over our sin. I knew what I had to do. I cut up my credit cards to pieces. I returned to my seat to continue in worship of my Creator, and Provider.

I remember Ryan Wilkins leading worship that night. I remember it as though it was just yesterday. Through the tears we sang….

You are the only one I need

I bow all of me at Your feet

I worship You alone

You have given me more than I could ever have wanted

And I want to give You my heart and my soul

You alone are Father And You alone are good

You are alone are Savior And You alone are God

I’m alive, I’m alive I’m alive, I’m alive…………

With my credit cards on the altar I made a commitment to not rely on the false security credit offered. So I closed all my accounts and made an aggressive contract to pay all the debt back, with a negotiated lower interest rate, in just over 5 years. I had to trust that this was true obedience and that He who started the good work would be faithful to complete it.

God proved Himself faithful.

The last several years have been rough. It has been total dependence on Christ and His provision. I have had to ask for help from my parents. I have freaked out in prayer about my money and bills. And God led   people to randomly, and anonymously bless me with cash, or gift cards, or checks through the church in the mail. Friends have noticed me being on fumes and filling up my car. There were seasons of not being able to find a job, and He was faithful.

In September I made my last payment to my creditors.

My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace………….

I’m alive, I’m alive I’m alive, I’m alive…………

Yes, This is where I live. In one of the homes I have walked by and wondered who lives there. Now I do.

Yes, my bedroom overlooks the ocean, and snorkeling is just 8 floors down. But as great as it is, the people are the best part.

Miss Flo is the woman I care for. She cares for me. She has welcomed me not only into her home, but into her family (I was going to say “into her heart”  but that was too cheesy chiche’, even for me.) She is 89, sharp as a tack and likes to eat popcorn for dinner sometimes. She loves, really really loves, Glenn Beck, calls her representatives to talk about the “Pelosi Heath Care Plan” that is cutting her benefits, all while reassuring me that the Lord is in control, and that I need to know that she knows that. She tenderly prays for me and my family before meals.

She does not let the fact that she is partially blind and pretty darn near completely deaf hinder her from trying to look above today’s standards of presentable at all times. If her hair is graying, she wears a hat to match her outfit. Even around the house.

She has spent her life working. And that has not stopped! She and her husband had a potato farm in Idaho. She raised their 3 children, then went back to school later in life to become a teacher. She was a widow for many years, content, and hesitant to date when she met her second husband Henry.

And my goodness she loves her husband. He passed away a year ago this week, and through her own limitations, she humbly cared for him night and day as hisParkinson’s robbed him of the full life they lived together. He was a biblical counselor, and she traveled the world by his side. She tells stories of their adventures, and the people along the way. She recaps his books and sermons and still cracks herself up retelling his jokes.  She plays DVDs of his conferences, and I am amazed at how he still shepherds her soul towards the Lord through modern technology.

She is lovely, but she is also lonely. She is aware that she has outlived most of her friends and all of her family, including her only son. Her condition has forced her daughters to decide to sell the home she shared with her Henry.  It’s on the market. And it’s a rough market.

And then there is the staff. They are my adopted grandparents.

Mr. Mike works the front desk. Has a thick New York accent. I don’t see him much, but I think I have busted him flirting with my friends.

Mr. Bob works at the guard-house out front and checks in on how I am doing on the weekend nights. He notices when I get home earlier or later than usual. He wants to know if I am sleeping okay. He wants to know if I will have a coworker waiting for me in the parking lot at work when I get to Starbucks in the morning because “A girl should not be alone at this time at night.” He even came into Starbucks the one morning “just to say hi”. I wasn’t there. He is so sweet.

Ohh my, then there is Miss Trudy. She is spunky.  I have only had one guy friend over to Miss Flo’s, ever. So the girls and I were hanging out and having dinner and he was the only guy. They had just come from the beach, and he was in visiting from out-of-town, so he had his suitcase to clean up for dinner. And sheflat-out asked me in her sweet southern drawl asked me if he was our stripper. I was beyond embarrassed, red as this white girl can get. Spunky indeed.

Miss Barbara encourages me in my singleness. She met her husband at church, and they have been married for 40 years or something crazy like that. She is afraid of driving on i-95 and she gets ticked off that people assume she is “less off” because she guards the door at North Ocean Drive. She is actually retired from a profession, and yes her diamonds are real. One of the residents inappropriately asked one day, and assumed they weren’t. She laughs when she sees me come in from work late at night, then leaving way too early in the morning, running late with a towel on my head.

Finally, Miss Sandy. She is the youngest of the bunch. She works the midshift. I have such a heart for her. She saw me with my Nike shirt the one morning and we had an opportunity to talk about weight loss and our lives. She admitted that she gained all of her weight after giving birth to her now grown children. Her choices have led to diabetes. The one morning as I was walking through the lobby, she asked if she could talk to me. Through her tears she told me that she was considering gastric bypass, but she knows it’s not right for her. The Lord used me to encourage her, and she has chosen a healthier path guided by a team of doctors. But as it always turns out, I am more encouraged by her than she is by me.

I don’t know how long I will be at North Ocean Drive.  So today I give thanks.

(Yep, didn’t know how to end this one… still thankful that one day I will have an editor.)

So, I pretty much feel like a slacker. I have so much to be thankful for, and my “month of giving thanks” is starting as the month is coming to an end. 

The last thing that my life needs is something to be legalistic about. Feeling that I must write “because”…..

I refuse to have something that I love become a miserable noose.

So, I’ve been laying low over here at julieUnscripted. It’s been a bittersweet combination of living life and not writing about it, joy and frustration, complete chaos in the midst of the most consistent schedule I have ever had.  Having less possessions and  less money than ever, being more mindful of the kingdom of God, yet somehow finding myself more complete . And then there is being out of, into, and back out of my “fat pants”.

Plus my computer’s hard drive died.

Today, I am thankful that we were created for community. Thankful that I need you, and that you need me to be real and vulnerable, and that you embrace me, my mess, but don’t let me stay there. I am thankful that you are still here. Thankful that you are still checking in.   Thankful for friends who refuse to leave me to myself and refuse to let me shut down and become a recluse. Friends who pull me closer, even as I shove away.  Thankful for those whom I have never met encouraging me. 

Let’s hug.

And we can all be thankful that one day I will have an editor who will correct my grammar, and unsplit my infinitives, yet still let me be me.

Philippians 1

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, ⁴always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all,  5in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now.

 6For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

 7For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me.

 8For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.

 9And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment,  10so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ;  11having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

I know I should write tonight. I want to write tonight.  And that’s more than enough.

Yes, it’s small. Yes, it’s girlie. But this is not just another butterfly tattoo.

You see, I love butterflies.  I read this story over ten years ago, and since then butterflies have become a symbol of my faith and my struggles in it.

I would never imagine seeing a butterfly trying to cram her way back into that cocoon. That’s simply ridiculous !

When I look at my butterfly I want to be reminded of the transformation and regeneration Christ has done in my life.

Below are just a few scriptures that I am encouraged by with thoughts of my butterfly.

Do you have any you would like to share?

Revelation 21:5

And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new ” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” ( HE makes all things, not somethings, not just improved, NEW)

2 Corinthians 5:17

¹⁷Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. ( old things are passed away, a butterfly can never ever go back into the cocoon and regress to be a caterpillar)

Philippians 1:6

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (He began the good work in me, he will perfect it, it’s a process that continues “until the day of Christ Jesus”)

Ephesians 2

Made Alive in Christ

¹And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, ²in which you formerly walked according to the course of  this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.

³Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

⁴But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶and raised us up with Him, and  seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

⁸For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;  ⁹not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

¹⁰For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Titus 3:3-7

³ For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.

⁴But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, ⁵He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,  ⁶whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,  ⁷so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

“How does one become a butterfly?” she [a caterpillar] asked pensively. [the butterfly replied] “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. What looks like you will die, but what’s really you will still live. Life is changed, not taken away.” Trina Paulus, author, “Hope for the Flowers.”

Moving Forward,

Julie

Ohh and also, thanks to Matt over at Ink Link Tattoos, I am sure you could do something more elaborate and artsy, but you did exactly what I wanted.

If you are in the West Palm Beach area, and are interested in getting a tat, call Ink Link! 561.712.9009 !!

Should be….

Sleeping, yep. Right now. I should be, sleeping.

But I’m not. At some point tonight, I thought that tonight would be a good night for an all-nighter.

But it’s not. At some point I need to realize that there are only 24 hours in a day for a reason. My body was created to rest each day. It’s not good for my mind to be “on” this long.

I’m tired. Of being frustrated with myself for letting others control me. Of being frustrated with myself for being frustrated about stuff that shouldn’t matter now, and is only a big deal because I let it be. Of waking up at 3:13 some mornings and not going to bed some nights. Of getting ticked when things still don’t change. Of being torn between doormat and doulos. Of trading the truth for lies. Of not reading. Of not writing.  Of not working out. Of not hanging out. Of doing things because I think I have to, not because I want to. Of serving two masters. Of feeling stuck in parts of the past while catching glimpses of the future. Of fear. Of things I can’t wrap my mind around while feeling surrounded by people who can. Of encouraging others to do things I haven’t been doing myself.

Yeah, I should be….

“Imagine…..

What would your life be like if…

Peter and Paul and everyone who came after them up until the person who lead you to Christ had said….

“It can wait till later.” I’ll do it tomorrow.” or my favorite… “I will never effect change so why bother.”

GIRL, GO DO IT!!! GOD HAS ASKED YOU TO. AND HE’S ASKED YOU TO DO IT NOW!!!!!! NOT WHEN YOU THINKS IT’S GOOD OR WHEN YOU CAN… NOW… GO! DO IT!!!!!

I am praying you will not rely on humans to move your ass, I pray you stand this week and produce for the Lord!

Di and I believe in you!

We know you can, you just have to do…….

Luv you!”

JR sent me that email just hours after leaving his and Di’s home while in Ohio….

I had just tried to get him to do all the leg work for my Nike idea for me…. I was convinced that he could and should, he would do a way better job… He told me to my face that I was making excuses, and that at this point I was not doing the one thing I know God was leading me to do…  and that it is SIN, and I need to confess it and turn from it….

John 5:6

 ”When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?” 

The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”

Jesus said to him, “Get up, pick up your pallet and walk.”

Immediately the man became well, and picked up his pallet and began to walk. Now it was the Sabbath on that day. “

I’ve lost 20 pounds, just since New Years.

Walking, and quasi jogging, with her picked up pallet,

Julie