We were in the kitchen at a friend’s birthday party. He was cute. I was doing dishes. The conversation flows. And ends…. Well, Almost ends. Should’ve ended.
He politely says “It was so nice to meet you, What’s your name again?”
I should’ve just said “Julie” but I didn’t.
I actually listed the five previous occasions that he had “met me”.
Listed them.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
I’m sure I wasn’t as rude as I remember it. But I felt terrible.
I was on a mission to find him on any social networking site and he was nowhere to be found.
I had to ask forgiveness.
Danne said drop it. I couldn’t.
Months went by and Danne meets someone “who would be great” for me. She used two sentences to describe him. And I knew it was him.
I had to ask for forgiveness.
Danne said drop it. I didn’t.
Every time I saw him over the next few weeks, it was overkill.
“Hi Matt!” ”How are you doing,Matt!” “Hey, Matt!” and he looked like a deer in headlights.
Then I felt bad for doing that.
One day I mustered up the guts to ask forgiveness, like any good christian girl should do.
“Hey, Matt…. I really need to ask for your forgiveness”
“Oh. Really? What?”
“Yeah, this one time I saw you I was really ungracious”
“Oh. Really?”
“Yeah I felt really bad”
“What happened? I am a really easy-going guy, I don’t even remember.”
“Ohhh I don’t really want to bring it back up. I just wanted to ask forgiveness”
“Don’t worry about it…….. What’s your name again?”
” (nervous irate pride killing giggle) Julie, my name is Julie”
She wants to know “What’s so wrong if I like him?”.
The “Christian” guy cheated on her. But this guy is nice, they’ve connected. She trusts him.
He wants to know “So what if “he is a really nice guy”, he treats you well, you won’t date him?”
The “Christian” guy hasn’t made the move. But this guy is nice, they’ve connected. She trusts him.
If you are single, and have been around the Christian bubble for more than five minutes, you’ve heard the verses, and with the best of intentions recited them yourself.
Guard your heart. Don’t be unequally yoked. He will give you the desires of your heart. Paul even said it was better to be single. Run after Christ, and when you turn and see someone there next to you – That’s “him”.
When the cliches wear off. What will stop the lingering looks and flirtatious touches?
It’s Christ.
And Only Christ.
Is Christ the center?
Is Christ the treasure?
Is obedience to Him and bringing Glory to Him the highest calling?
Rest knowing that you are Loved even in your loneliness.
Remember whose you are, and all He has brought you through.
If that’s not enough, you’re looking for fulfillment in the wrong relationship.
Growing up a spoiled brat who got every wish on her list and more, Christmas was always my favorite.
Now I resent what most holidays have become. I’m actually kind of a scrooge.
Somehow Christmas, the birth of Christ, has morphed into gifts given mostly out of obligation, shopping, stress, a fat guy who sees you when you’re sleeping, and “holiday” music.
And money, lots and lots of money… Did you know that over 450 BILLION Dollars is spent each year on “Christmas”. Did you know that it would only take 10 BILLION dollars to give clean water to every person on earth? (Check out the Advent Conspiracy Video, it’s only two minutes)
Easter is more about a big bunny bringing a basket of gifts instead of the crucifixion and resurrection of our Saviour.
Valentines is about marked up red roses, chocolate, and cheesy poems that seem insincere, and would be more appreciated it written by the giver, on May 23rd.
And then there is Thanksgiving. My favorite. Virtually untainted by any American commercialism.
It’s friends, family, football, food and a whole lot of Giving Thanks.
I don’t even remember what my first credit card was, or what I bought with it, or why I thought it having one was such a good idea.
It wasn’t just that I was spending money that I didn’t have. It was that I was trying to live the lifestyle of an executive, as an intern. I was at the lunches, wearing my cute new outfits. I was getting Starbucks and adding the extra shots. I was buying presents for people.
I was trying to gain the acceptance of everyone around me while the only One who has ever truly loved me and accepted me watched as I put another shackle on my ankle. I was an idiot.
I have nothing to show for the over $30,000 of credit card debt that I had racked up between the ages of 18 & 23. Nothing.
I was living in Ohio and part of the community at sevenoseven the night I laid my debt on the altar, literally.
Pastor Dan Burgoyne was preaching on radical amputation . Remember the whole “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out” business? Yeah, that was Jesus (Matthew 5:29-). And He was serious.
Pastor Dan challenged us something was sin in your life, and you know sin separates you from God, Jesus commands us to radically amputate that sin.
There he was, calling all of us twenty-somethings out on our junk. He challenged the hormone driven men to burn their porn, our lust, our flirtations, our overeating, drinking, sleeping, spending, gossip magazines. If we are the body and bride of Christ, why are we so entangled in our self pleasure and sin? And what does that say about the redemptive message that God is our all in all that we preach to the “unbelievers”. And I knew.
My credit cards had me in chains. I could not run hard after God while in bondage to sin.
So there we were. A community broken over our sin. I knew what I had to do. I cut up my credit cards to pieces. I returned to my seat to continue in worship of my Creator, and Provider.
I remember Ryan Wilkins leading worship that night. I remember it as though it was just yesterday. Through the tears we sang….
You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at Your feet
I worship You alone
You have given me more than I could ever have wanted
And I want to give You my heart and my soul
You alone are Father And You alone are good
You are alone are Savior And You alone are God
I’m alive, I’m alive I’m alive, I’m alive…………
With my credit cards on the altar I made a commitment to not rely on the false security credit offered. So I closed all my accounts and made an aggressive contract to pay all the debt back, with a negotiated lower interest rate, in just over 5 years. I had to trust that this was true obedience and that He who started the good work would be faithful to complete it.
God proved Himself faithful.
The last several years have been rough. It has been total dependence on Christ and His provision. I have had to ask for help from my parents. I have freaked out in prayer about my money and bills. And God led people to randomly, and anonymously bless me with cash, or gift cards, or checks through the church in the mail. Friends have noticed me being on fumes and filling up my car. There were seasons of not being able to find a job, and He was faithful.
In September I made my last payment to my creditors.
My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace………….
Yes, This is where I live. In one of the homes I have walked by and wondered who lives there. Now I do.
Yes, my bedroom overlooks the ocean, and snorkeling is just 8 floors down. But as great as it is, the people are the best part.
Miss Flo is the woman I care for. She cares for me. She has welcomed me not only into her home, but into her family (I was going to say “into her heart” but that was too cheesy chiche’, even for me.) She is 89, sharp as a tack and likes to eat popcorn for dinner sometimes. She loves, really really loves, Glenn Beck, calls her representatives to talk about the “Pelosi Heath Care Plan” that is cutting her benefits, all while reassuring me that the Lord is in control, and that I need to know that she knows that. She tenderly prays for me and my family before meals.
She does not let the fact that she is partially blind and pretty darn near completely deaf hinder her from trying to look above today’s standards of presentable at all times. If her hair is graying, she wears a hat to match her outfit. Even around the house.
She has spent her life working. And that has not stopped! She and her husband had a potato farm in Idaho. She raised their 3 children, then went back to school later in life to become a teacher. She was a widow for many years, content, and hesitant to date when she met her second husband Henry.
And my goodness she loves her husband. He passed away a year ago this week, and through her own limitations, she humbly cared for him night and day as hisParkinson’s robbed him of the full life they lived together. He was a biblical counselor, and she traveled the world by his side. She tells stories of their adventures, and the people along the way. She recaps his books and sermons and still cracks herself up retelling his jokes. She plays DVDs of his conferences, and I am amazed at how he still shepherds her soul towards the Lord through modern technology.
She is lovely, but she is also lonely. She is aware that she has outlived most of her friends and all of her family, including her only son. Her condition has forced her daughters to decide to sell the home she shared with her Henry. It’s on the market. And it’s a rough market.
And then there is the staff. They are my adopted grandparents.
Mr. Mike works the front desk. Has a thick New York accent. I don’t see him much, but I think I have busted him flirting with my friends.
Mr. Bob works at the guard-house out front and checks in on how I am doing on the weekend nights. He notices when I get home earlier or later than usual. He wants to know if I am sleeping okay. He wants to know if I will have a coworker waiting for me in the parking lot at work when I get to Starbucks in the morning because “A girl should not be alone at this time at night.” He even came into Starbucks the one morning “just to say hi”. I wasn’t there. He is so sweet.
Ohh my, then there is Miss Trudy. She is spunky. I have only had one guy friend over to Miss Flo’s, ever. So the girls and I were hanging out and having dinner and he was the only guy. They had just come from the beach, and he was in visiting from out-of-town, so he had his suitcase to clean up for dinner. And sheflat-out asked me in her sweet southern drawl asked me if he was our stripper. I was beyond embarrassed, red as this white girl can get. Spunky indeed.
Miss Barbara encourages me in my singleness. She met her husband at church, and they have been married for 40 years or something crazy like that. She is afraid of driving on i-95 and she gets ticked off that people assume she is “less off” because she guards the door at North Ocean Drive. She is actually retired from a profession, and yes her diamonds are real. One of the residents inappropriately asked one day, and assumed they weren’t. She laughs when she sees me come in from work late at night, then leaving way too early in the morning, running late with a towel on my head.
Finally, Miss Sandy. She is the youngest of the bunch. She works the midshift. I have such a heart for her. She saw me with my Nike shirt the one morning and we had an opportunity to talk about weight loss and our lives. She admitted that she gained all of her weight after giving birth to her now grown children. Her choices have led to diabetes. The one morning as I was walking through the lobby, she asked if she could talk to me. Through her tears she told me that she was considering gastric bypass, but she knows it’s not right for her. The Lord used me to encourage her, and she has chosen a healthier path guided by a team of doctors. But as it always turns out, I am more encouraged by her than she is by me.
I don’t know how long I will be at North Ocean Drive. So today I give thanks.
(Yep, didn’t know how to end this one… still thankful that one day I will have an editor.)
So, I pretty much feel like a slacker. I have so much to be thankful for, and my “month of giving thanks” is starting as the month is coming to an end.
The last thing that my life needs is something to be legalistic about. Feeling that I must write “because”…..
I refuse to have something that I love become a miserable noose.
So, I’ve been laying low over here at julieUnscripted. It’s been a bittersweet combination of living life and not writing about it, joy and frustration, complete chaos in the midst of the most consistent schedule I have ever had. Having less possessions and less money than ever, being more mindful of the kingdom of God, yet somehow finding myself more complete . And then there is being out of, into, and back out of my “fat pants”.
Plus my computer’s hard drive died.
Today, I am thankful that we were created for community. Thankful that I need you, and that you need me to be real and vulnerable, and that you embrace me, my mess, but don’t let me stay there. I am thankful that you are still here. Thankful that you are still checking in. Thankful for friends who refuse to leave me to myself and refuse to let me shut down and become a recluse. Friends who pull me closer, even as I shove away. Thankful for those whom I have never met encouraging me.
Let’s hug.
And we can all be thankful that one day I will have an editor who will correct my grammar, and unsplit my infinitives, yet still let me be me.
Philippians 1
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, 4always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, 5in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now.
6For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
7For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart, since both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers of grace with me.
8For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.
9And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, 10so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; 11having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
Yes, it’s small. Yes, it’s girlie. But this is not just another butterfly tattoo.
You see, I love butterflies. I read this story over ten years ago, and since then butterflies have become a symbol of my faith and my struggles in it.
I would never imagine seeing a butterfly trying to cram her way back into that cocoon. That’s simply ridiculous !
When I look at my butterfly I want to be reminded of the transformation and regeneration Christ has done in my life.
Below are just a few scriptures that I am encouraged by with thoughts of my butterfly.
Do you have any you would like to share?
Revelation 21:5
And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new ” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” ( HE makes all things, not somethings, not just improved, NEW)
2 Corinthians 5:17
17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. ( old things are passed away, a butterfly can never ever go back into the cocoon and regress to be a caterpillar)
Philippians 1:6
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (He began the good work in me, he will perfect it, it’s a process that continues “until the day of Christ Jesus”)
Ephesians 2
Made Alive in Christ
1And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.
3Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.
4But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places inChrist Jesus, 7so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace inkindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
8For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it isthe gift of God; 9not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.
10For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
Titus 3:3-7
3For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved tovarious lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.
4But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, 5He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, butaccording to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, 6whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
“How does one become a butterfly?” she [a caterpillar] asked pensively. [the butterfly replied] “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. What looks like you will die, but what’s really you will still live. Life is changed, not taken away.” Trina Paulus, author, “Hope for the Flowers.”
Moving Forward,
Julie
Ohh and also, thanks to Matt over at Ink Link Tattoos, I am sure you could do something more elaborate and artsy, but you did exactly what I wanted.
If you are in the West Palm Beach area, and are interested in getting a tat, call Ink Link! 561.712.9009 !!
But I’m not. At some point tonight, I thought that tonight would be a good night for an all-nighter.
But it’s not. At some point I need to realize that there are only 24 hours in a day for a reason. My body was created to rest each day. It’s not good for my mind to be “on” this long.
I’m tired. Of being frustrated with myself for letting others control me. Of being frustrated with myself for being frustrated about stuff that shouldn’t matter now, and is only a big deal because I let it be. Of waking up at 3:13 some mornings and not going to bed some nights. Of getting ticked when things still don’t change. Of being torn between doormat and doulos. Of trading the truth for lies. Of not reading. Of not writing. Of not working out. Of not hanging out. Of doing things because I think I have to, not because I want to. Of serving two masters. Of feeling stuck in parts of the past while catching glimpses of the future. Of fear. Of things I can’t wrap my mind around while feeling surrounded by people who can. Of encouraging others to do things I haven’t been doing myself.
Peter and Paul and everyone who came after them up until the person who lead you to Christ had said….
“It can wait till later.” I’ll do it tomorrow.” or my favorite… “I will never effect change so why bother.”
GIRL, GO DO IT!!! GOD HAS ASKED YOU TO. AND HE’S ASKED YOU TO DO IT NOW!!!!!! NOT WHEN YOU THINKS IT’S GOOD OR WHEN YOU CAN… NOW… GO! DO IT!!!!!
I am praying you will not rely on humans to move your ass, I pray you stand this week and produce for the Lord!
Di and I believe in you!
We know you can, you just have to do…….
Luv you!”
JR sent me that email just hours after leaving his and Di’s home while in Ohio….
I had just tried to get him to do all the leg work for my Nike idea for me…. I was convinced that he could and should, he would do a way better job… He told me to my face that I was making excuses, and that at this point I was not doing the one thing I know God was leading me to do… and that it is SIN, and I need to confess it and turn from it….
John 5:6
”When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?”
The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”
Jesus said to him, “Get up, pick up your pallet and walk.”
Immediately the man became well, and picked up his pallet and began to walk. Now it was the Sabbath on that day. “
I’ve lost 20 pounds, just since New Years.
Walking, and quasi jogging, with her picked up pallet,
This has been brewing for awhile but thanks to Jess D and Stephen Ley I must blog about this today.
My disclaimer is that I do love my part time job, with benefits, and great, funny as all get out, and diverse coworkers at a company that cares about it’s workers, the community, it’s farmers, and the environment, giving you a quality assured product, made in a clean and sanitary shop, and all the free coffee I could ever dream, that is my disclaimer.
I love to serve people – up until I am treated like a servant. (different blog for a diferent day)
*clears throat*
Dear Starbucks customer,
Because of our Starbucks “yes I can” policy, I have not been able to address this with you in person.
Please, put your cell phone down while ordering, acknowledge us lowly baristas as at least human enough to do more to than grunt an order at while on your phone, put the money on the counter then walk away. We welcome you with a smile, please at least try to do the same.
Learn our names, you see us everyday, we make your customized drink, everyday. Learn our names – we know yours.
Coming in however many days later, to whatever Starbucks you want, and asking for your 54 cent refill in a nasty cup – is nasty. The official refill policy is within an hour, on premises. I worked the drive-tru all morning. You have not been here today.
If you want a refill, take your lid off and throw it away. I don’t want to touch it, again – that’s nasty.
Don’t ask my co-worker “What are you stupid?” after she hands you the drink that I myself doubleconfirmed with you that it was the right drink when you were ordering. She is not stupid. She puts up with alot for the $8 or so an hour she gets paid (and that includes the tips that don’t get stolen out of our tip jars.) And she sure didn’t need for you to come in and talk to our manager. We already talked to him in the back room about it, and we were all wearing a headset when you ordered. She is not stupid.
Please don’t order a Quad Espresso, over ice, in a Venti cup and then go to the condiment bar and fill it up with milk and sugar. That is called a latte. And I know you know that. As I read yesterday “Do you go to a restaurant and order noodles and expect them to bring you the marinara sauce and meatballs for free on the side? No – pay for what you get.”
Don’t come in today and say you had a problem with your drink yesterday and always expect a free one today. If you tell us what is wrong with it when it happens, we will gladly figure out what happened and make you another one the right way, sometimes we make mistakes and will most likely give you a coupon for your next drink on us. Coming back an over hour later, with it half gone and still warm because it has been in your car that whole time – is rude and not ok.
I know you ordered your drink first, but they got theirs first because it was an iced coffee and just needed poured into a cup. You got a different kind of drink that took more time to make.
I love working at Starbucks. I know you love go there. Be thoughtful. Please.
She said it again “Miss Stein your debt is paid in full”
I sobbed not only in celebration of the freedom of bondage to American Express for the first time in 8 years - but I sobbed because it is a glimpse of the eternal significance of being Paid In Full.
One day I will stand in judgement and God will say “Julie, your debt is Paid in Full”
My debt of sin is so great, and the wages of sin is death.
Unlike my budgeting and cutting back to be able to pay back my debt to one my creditors and then being released from my obligation because I kept the terms, no amount of good works would have ever been enough to cover my debt of sin to God.
My salvation is by God’s Grace, through faith. It is all in Christ.
For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.
For by Him all things were created, {both} in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–all things have been created through Him and for Him.
He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.
For it was the {Father’s} good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, {I say,} whether things on earth or things in heaven.
And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, {engaged} in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach– if indeed you continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of the gospel that you have heard, which was proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, was made a minister.
This world is not my home. And although I can be glad about almost being debt free here on earth. I hope it never determines my joy – and that through trial or triumph I never loose an eternal focus of Christ.
Ok so not really garbage picking but recycle bin by the mailbox picking… I may get slightly obsessed.
RaceTrac gas station just remodeled, and they sent a coupon, and I noticed that many of my neighbors just “recycled” their coupons… so for about 3 or so days last month, I would go through the recycle bins, and take out the coupons.
One sheet has a coupon for a free sandwich, a free hot dog, a free slushie, and a buy one get one free hot cookie coupon.
For about three years I have been saying I need to put together little food zip lock baggies to give out for people who request money at the intersections…… best of intentions, never happened…
So I am glad now that I have an abundance of coupons to share with people.
That’s what I am thankful for today…. recycled bin picking…….. and being able to help provide from someone elses “recycled”
Today was an insane day, Starbucks training in Boca, then off to Urban Youth Impact…..but I was reminded of my purpose.
Today, I am thankful to have a job. With such an unstable economy, and being hired in during one of Starbucks most turbulent times, I am thankful.
It’s not much. Not even 20 hours most weeks since I have been there for the past 2 months. It’s the least I have made in over 12 years. The tips in cash each week are just enough for me to get gas to and from work, and my check is finally almost enough to cover my bills. But soon I will have medical dental and optical for the first time in almost 2 years. And it’s a great company to work for.
In training today I had to answer “Who would you have coffee with, and why?”
“Phil Knight – founder of Nike… because I want to talk to him about my dream…..”
During our break I had a few people ask me to elaborate, and I did, I got to share my purpose… and as I write this I am reminded that for now, this is just my manna on the way to my promised land….
It’s meant to be my “What is this” just enough for today – don’t hoard for tomorrow. Keep one foot in front of the other, keep focused on the goal, don’t get comfortable. Be obedient. God is providing on the way there.
Today I am thankful that God is my provider. Not my plans, not my schemes and that after having my application on file for a year and a half, Starbucks called me, and that He shines through me there.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.
But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other You cannot serve God and wealth.
For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?
And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,
yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!
Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’
For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
“Sticks and stones may break my bones…. but words will never hurt me”
So many times I have said that – and I wished it was true…
The truth is that words do hurt, and can leave scars worse than any broken bones.
I am thankful for the middle school students who made fun of me today, and for being made fun so much when I was growing up.
I realized about a year ago that much of the compassion and empathy I have to offer not only these girls I work with, but other women, comes from feeling so blasted, torn down, and rejected. Because I have never had any no social collateral to offer. I have always known who my true friends have been.
God has been gracious and has been rebuilding me, with humility.
What was meant for evil – God has turned into good, for His purpose, and His glory.
He is restoring the years the locusts have stolen.
So I was feeling confident that first day, five days ago, that every day this month I would blog about what I have been thankful for…
I’ve been thinking about it alot…but haven’t blogged about it at all..
Today I am thankful for Sundays… Going to church, relaxing, not running around all crazy from place to place “doing what I need to do” to “do what needs to get done”….
I saw this on a blogthat references another blog who is doing a series on what they are thankful for throughout the month of November.
I’m stealingborrowing the idea and from now until Thanksgiving I will daily Give Thanks for how God has demonstrated His goodness in my life. These wil not be in any order, just what I feel thankful for on whatever day.
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. (James 1:17)
Today, I am thankful to be an American.
I have the freedom to worship in public, and in private without having to hide my faith, or fear death because of it.
I have clean water, a roof over my head, food in my stomach. And Internet, and TV, with cable, and a cell phone, and radio. And, And, And,
I have a military who is, and has been, protecting our rights, and lives for generations.
I have a right to vote. (Even though I couldn’t find my voters card, had to change my address when I got to the voters precinct, and didn’t research much on the ballot other than the presidential candiates and the constitutional amendment to keep marriage defined as one man and one woman.)
Race and gender no longer determine elegibility to vote.
I don’t go to bed afraid of bombings or gun fighting out side my home.
Safe roads.
Good education.
It is only by God’s grace and sovernighty that I was born in this country. I don’t take this lightly.
“Everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.” – Jesus (Luke 12:48)
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. “ – Jesus (Matthew 6:19-20)
Thankful to be in America, not only because we are blessed, but because out of these resources we can be vessels of hope for others.
May I always be thankful, but never have a heart that hoards.
If men are visual, which they are, and if women are emotional, which they are….then chick flicks are indeed emotional porn… and I am a recovering from an addiction…
As I type this, Pretty Woman is playing in the background….
Sleepless in Seattle, Serendipity, Sweet Home Alabama, City of Angels, The Notebook, Titanic, The Holiday, The Wedding Planner, Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Date, My Best Friends Wedding, The Runaway Bride, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, You’ve Got Mail, Notting Hill, Return to Me, Dirty Dancing, Hope Floats, Bridget Jones…. and I would be bold enough to say that we start our girls early on any Disney movie…
Displaying the most unrealistic of senerios, Porn, and for the sake of this blog, emotional porn, help form the most unrealistic of expectations, placing in our heads thoughts and ideas that may have never formed if we would have only stayed away…potentially impacting any current or future relationship, leaving us to wonder and think, “What if” and “If Only”….
Distorting reality….. each movie more ridiculous than the next… it doesn’t even need to make a ding dong bit of sense, just make me cry and whirl me into an emotional state of discontentment, and you dear chick flick are a great movie…. the more I cry, the better… and the next movie needs to be even more dramatic to make me cry yet again….
Just as men are warned to guard their minds against the images of pornography, I would give women the same charge, we need to guard our hearts against these unrealistic expectations, and a completely diluted and warped view of what love is, and what is romantic….
I wonder how much reality I am missing because I am still waiting for Matthew McConaughey to save my life from a rolling dumpster….
I knew I was just being lazy by not working out, and then by not putting my laundry away, then by not doing my hair all cute for work, or putting in my contacts….
I actually felt like a had a voice in my head today that was just saying “Lazy”.. each choice, and there was that voice… “Lazy”…
Then out of the blue a friend called me and left a message:
“Hey Jules, It’s me… I was just at the beach thinking that sometimes I make excuses, but I am just being lazy… I don’t know if you ever do that… but I do… Do you?”
POW….. how’s that for some not so subtle confirmation…
I really think that sometimes I don’t need to pray about if I should do something or not, or need encouragement about things I know I should do because that cruel honesty of it is sometimes, I am just being lazy…
How do you get over that?
(Aside from prayer about it and encouragement, that is….)
So I don’t claim to understand everything about Economics…
Here’s what I do know – even though I want one… Bailouts are a bad idea….
Whathadhappened was..
When I was 17 my dad co-signed on a “Junior Loan” for me from his credit union so I could get a car….
Then, when I was 18, the credit card offers came flooding in… My parents warned me about credit cards, I didn’t listen… Add to that a few years of wild spending and living outside my means… I was thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in debt…
My mom, with the best of intentions, bailed me out….. every last penny… paid off….
I, with another stern warning from my parents, and a lack of self control, quickly ran up my debt (and then some) again….
Then one night at sevenoseven Dan Burgoyne preached on “radical amputation”, how if something is causing you to sin, you need to be radical, and cut it out of your life…. to not just band-aid your sin, but to cut it out…
I knew my overspending money I didn’t have was a sin… so that next Sunday I cut up all of my credit cards, laid them at the altar, and haven’t used credit since (with the exception of my Ballysmembership which was a huge interest rate to finance through Ballys)
That was in May of 2004…
When I moved to Florida in September of 2004 with I think over $20,000 in debt, I signed up for a credit repayment program that took my insane interest rates and cut them all down to under 10% with no late fees or anything
I’ve been paying $350 a month since then…. just for my credit cards…
There have been a few mini-bailouts from my parents when I wasn’t working or was just short of making my bills for a month… and amazing provision from God, and generosity of my friends….
But I celebrate every time a credit card statement comes in…. most of my cards are paid off, and the ones that aren’t will be soon…
Another bailout would not have taught me responsibility…
I live within my means…I buy what I need…. and if I want it, I have to count the cost and make the sacrifice…. Sometimes I get stuck without what I need, because I got something I wanted…
I have not been able to go on some trips, or to the movies, or out to dinner sometimes, but when I do go, or get to do these things, I make sure to enjoy it !
I still mismanage my money sometimes… I forget when stuff is due, or when it is going to be taken out of my bank account, and I even cried a few months ago when money was tight and wished I could just put gas on a credit card….
But the credit card debt season of my life is almost over with life lessons learned and self-control gained, and a bailout couldn’t have offered me that….
Even though, to be honest… I think I’ve learned my lessons, so a bailout at this point is more than welcome…. and I really want to be bailed out from my tax debt since they considered me a business and I was so not a business… but that’s another blog for another day….
It’s pathetic that it’s been three months since I’ve written on this…
All summer I said to myself, and to my faithful and frustrated friends,
“When I have time to work on it, then I will….”
For the past year I would say that I have been stuck in the “when….. then…..” trap
When my debt gets paid off, then…..
When I work less hours, then….
When I make more per hour, then….
When I believe in me, then….
When more people who don’t know me start believing in me, then…..
When the people who know me an believe in me get so frustrated with me about being all talk and no action that they don’t want to talk to me about it, then…..
When I feel the conviction of the Spirit again, then…
When the Spirit stops convicting me and I freak out about my delayed obedience, then…
WhenWhenWhenWhenWhen, THEN….
My “then” is now…. And you no what?
None of the “whens” that have trapped me have happened… And I see now that if and when they did… they would quickly be replaced by some other “when, then” that I would hide behind in fear.
Talk to me, I know you’re reading. And I know I’m not the only one who was trapped by her “When, thens”
What are your goals?
What do you know or think that God asking you to do?
What are your “When, thens” that have trapped you?
(I don’t know what happened to “Part One” of the Awww Heck Posts but Part Two is here … So I don’t know if this would be Part Three if there never was really ever a Part One)
Ok, so if you have ever met me, you know I have a few labels that apply to me…
Emotional, Dramatic Expressive, Tender, Sensitive, So So loving….But I am indeed an over thinker …
So we were having a small ant issue at the house… not really a big deal… until today…
They are these little winged ants who seemed to like to call my bedroom home… it’s gross to think about ants in my very clean and bright and never having food in it bedroom and even though they weren’t reallybothering anything… I decided to “take care of it” yesterday… After some researching on Google I learned that they were indeed ants and not termites (FYI – ants have a thorax or abdomen or something) I had to decide to either bug bomb (which may not kill the queen) or just put out a gel (which little worker ants take back to the little ant village to kill the queen)…. I put out the gel, and nonwinged ants came out of the woodwork, literally… lots of um… the winged ants had no interest in the gel…
I know what you are thinking, what does this have to do with being emotional?
Well, yesterday, although I was fascinated by watching the ants eat the gel, and “talk” to each other.. I felt bad…
AND THEN TODAY… I had a bunch of dead ants in my bright and clean bedroom, little worker ants who obviously did not make it to feed the queen the poison, but that’s not all – there were alive ants and you wanna know what they were doing? Nope, not eating the gel…. they were lifting and carrying the dead ants back into the floorboards to take them to the little ant village…
How stinking sad is that?
Note to you, my friend and/or reader of other things that I don’t like because they make me so so sad, for real…
The Zoo
Sea World
Butterfly World
Fish Tanks
I am sure there are more… but I am getting too sad thinking about it…..
Today is going to be a productive day.. in theory…
I am at Panera, and my lists are ready, some are still in my head, most have actually made it to paper…
I have Race for Faith list, a Gospelink list, a Just Do It list, a to-do it list, a shopping list, a list of things that are being sold on eBay, a list of bills I need to pay, a list of people I really should be praying for, a list of people to schedule quality time with, a list of people to call, a list of people to write, a list of blogs I want to write, a list of video blogs I want to record, a list of things that I need to put on my calendar, a list of books I want to read and get from the library, a list of books I want to sell on Amazon, a list of things that I need to find….
On Labor Day, Christen, Danne and I went to the gym… it was such a long 40 minutes for me.. and it’s no secret that I hate the gym…
Last night I “worked-out” with the Wii fit… I hula hooped, and ran in place, watching the TV as I was chasing another Mii and then a virtual dog… it was fun and stuff, but…
Today, though I live not 10 minutes from the beach… I went swimming in a pool….
We have traded in so many great things, for cheap substitutes…
disclaimer: silly blog post written to distract me from writing the more emotionally charged blog about how I resigned from my job because I was using it as an crutch and excuse to not follow my dreams, even though I love my job.. and how God is uprooting all the lies that I have believed, and have steered me since forever… and how….. silly blog post… distraction…
A few of us were talking about me, and this one guy…. as an “us”….
Now, I have never even really entertained the possibility of me marrying that guy, I am convinced of all of the reasons why it would never work plus I have already planned his future with another woman in my mind, … nice of me, huh?
So last night I was up thinking about why not me and him… as an “us”?
And here is the spiritual dilemma that came from my noodle twirling last night…
Last night Danne and I watched Semi-Pro with Will Ferrell, and although it was raunchy in some most parts, and we actually skipped a section of the movie because of that raunch… I thought it was a pretty funny movie….
To be honest I really laugh at and enjoy some movies that I know I shouldn’t…
I could never see myself, laying on the couch with that guy, watching those movies… I feel like I would be defiling him, and I would feel shame and embarrassment….
And here goes the noodle… I was thinking Julie, Do you really believe God’s word?
Ok – stay with me here….
If I really believe not only that God is always with me, ever-present, but that Christ does dwell in me… would I watch those movies?
The answer, of course, is definitely not….
Letting myself be entertained by what God is not honored in… and disgusted by??
And am I not already called a part of the Bride of Christ ?
I talked to my dad about you yesterday.. how I go to the little blog stats and see how you found me.. He was amused, you’ll hear more from him later…… it’s pretty interesting how you found me… kind of odd…
there is no rhyme or reason, and how you found me is about as random as what I write… sometimes serious, sometimes silly….
Look up, and to the right… the tabs “how my noodle twirls” is just an “about me”, and “old writings” are well old writings quasi imported from MySpace…. if you are wandering around and get lost, just click on julieUNSCRIPTED and it will bring you back here safe..
Look to the right… those are some of my friends, and a few people I don’t even know and are either friends of friends, or random people…. if you scroll over them, there is an identifier as to how I know them, or don’t know them…
so welcome to my little home here on the web… make your self cozy…
ohhh and if you have something to say, just leave a comment, or you can email me at julieunscripted@gmail.com
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Today, I am thankful to be an American.
